Like every growing organism, relationships also need essential nutrients to be healthy and grow. In this series we’re looking at 6 of these that enable us to genuinely know others at a deep-hearted level: connection, commitment, curiosity, empathy, reciprocity, and delight. In Part I, we looked at connection. Today, in Part II, we’ll look at commitment.
Commitment is simply- yet profoundly- faithfulness to another amidst the joys and sorrows of life and the highs and lows of every normal relationship. It’s essential because of our enormous expectations of others and the common need to belong rather than simply fit in.
When it comes to our expectations, Francis Schaeffer has stated that many of us have an unconscious ‘utopian concept’ of relationships which expects people to act now only like they’ll be able to then in glory- perfect. They should always care for us, laugh at our ridiculous jokes, sympathize with us, agree with us, etc. In other words, they should either be like God to us or at least they should join us in building our perfect kingdom. You get the picture. These subterranean expectations often drive our natural propensity towards conditional love. “I’ll pursue you until,” or “I’ll remain committed if.” We forget that, because of God’s intentional creation of diversity, people are different from us; and we forget that because of sin, people will sometimes prove difficult to us. Yes, even those you are closest to.
Commitment is also important because of the universal desire to belong rather than simply fit in. A book written for the Harvard Business Review states:
“…most people are spending time and energy covering up their weaknesses, managing other people’s impressions of them, showing themselves to their best advantage, playing politics, hiding their inadequacies, hiding their uncertainties, hiding their limitations. Hiding.”
In other words, people are expending enormous amounts of energy to do whatever it takes and say whatever is needed to fit in. However, belonging is different. In any kind of relationship where there is gospel commitment to another, there is no need for hiding weaknesses, fears, faults, or sins. You can simply belong.
Deep hearted relationships that go deeper than the casual and superficial realize that living in a fallen world with other fallen people demands commitment. This commitment, then, requires time, patience, and forgiveness. It requires a commitment of time because no transformative relationship happens overnight and needs the fertilizer of shared experiences to grow. It requires the commitment of patience and endurance because every relationship goes through ups and downs, good times and hard times. It requires the commitment of forgiveness because living in-between the already and not yet of the kingdom of God means we’re all still under construction and we’ll see in and experience from the other the sin that is in their hearts.
Commitment is crucial in the pursuit of knowing another.
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