In this series I’ve sought to explore and expand upon Bernard of Clairvaux’s ‘12 Steps of Pride,' (step 1, step 2, step 3). The end goal is to become increasingly self-aware of pride in our own hearts and then conclude with what true humility looks like, prayerful that humility would characterize us more than pride. Below are steps four, five, and six:
Bernard’s fourth step is what we might call “selling the self.” Not content with simply feeling superior personally, he now seeks confirmation through the attention and admiration of others, which he “hungers and thirsts for.” To get the attention and admiration from others, he becomes “full of words.” He wants to be known as a certain kind of person or known for doing certain things, as long as what he tells you makes you think more highly of him. He speaks quickly, and often, even interrupting others in conversation. “His aim is not to teach you nor to be taught by you, but to show how much he knows.”
Bernard calls the fifth step “singularity” or what I would call “keeping up appearances.” The previous boasting must be followed-up by actual doing. At bottom this is a desire for distinction from others. It is showing off. The heart, therefore, commits itself to becoming busy with religiosity or anything else that can make him appear to rise above everyone else. If others are doing something, the prideful heart will do more of it or do it better. If they are saying something, he will say it better. However, if he sees anyone outdoing him in any way, “he despises himself. He is never at rest.” Yet, others do see what is being done and praise him, unknowingly causing him to be “confirmed in his self-delusion.” He has not only manipulated others, but also himself into believing how incredible he really is.
The sixth and crucial step is full-fledged arrogance. He has labored long to gain the applause and admiration of others and now the self-deception is complete- he genuinely believes their praise, even though that praise simply comes from ignorance (not knowing him well) or kindness. He “never examines his motives now; the good opinion of others is all he needs.” Friends now only have value as they acknowledge his superiority or don’t challenge it. Anyone else will be easily dismissed or demonized. No longer are others part of the prideful heart’s curiosity or competition, but now they are contemptible inferiors. “He believes in his inmost heart” that he is better than others (71). Perhaps this step should be called the “king in your own eyes” stage of pride.
As this pride grows, it will continue to impact those around you, which is where we’ll head in the next steps.
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